MartinCoburn.com

Losing Confidence - it’s just a state of mind

This has to be one of the most common things I hear as a Public Speaking coach “I just lose all my confidence the minute I stand up” yeah and your brain sits down I know! No seriously, it’s a big challenge for even experienced speakers to maintain a confident state.

I like to ask “so, where did you put it? I mean were you confident of standing up at least, tying your shoelaces, making breakfast this morning?”

Of course you were, you haven’t lost all your confidence you’re just are not in a confident state in that precise moment in time.
What I like to help people become aware of is what they are doing not to be confident as they think about speaking in public. I once asked this guy to teach me how to lose my confidence in front of an audience, since he was so practiced at it I figured he would have all the answers.

And he did! In 5 easy steps.

Step one: Have a low self-esteem, therefore, think that everyone is not going to care what you have to say, what you have achieved etc. Also, feel that people in the audience will be judging your physical appearance, and anything less than Brad Pitt will be mocked and ridiculed.

Step two: Worry more about how you say it, as opposed to what you say. In particular, look for times where you are struggling for breath, shaking, losing the tonality in your voice, and as soon as you detect this, panic. This will cause a vicious circle, and before you know it, you will be ready to pass out.

Step three: You must feel that everyone in the audience is judging you, if you stutter, feel like they will notice it, heck, feel like it will change their opinions of you forever.

Step four: Play in your mind a visualisation of what could go wrong. Also, visualise and really feel the fear, play this over and over until it becomes a reality.

Step five: Place critical importance on how others perceive you. Remember, it is not who you are, what you have achieved nor the success you have built-up, it is the opinions of others that matters most.

Wow, I thought, that should do it!

He gained a lot by this insight into what he was doing to loose his confidence. Awareness itself can be curative. It was obvious to him that if he could learn to gradually reverse each of the 5 steps he could start to take control and pretty soon would be looking forward to the opportunity to share his views and wisdom with the world.

So, next time you think you are not confident become aware of what you are doing in your mind to create the feelings you don’t really want.

You can be amazed at the progress you will make.

More another time on how to maintain confidence, irrespective of your environment

Happy Presenting

Martin